The Bendigo Standard announced today that it has officially run out of news. With nothing left to report on, the desperate editorial team decided to publish a satirical news article instead of factual information, much to the confusion of its readership.
Reporters were seen scrambling in the newsroom, trying to find anything remotely newsworthy. “We considered covering the colour of the mayor’s socks,” said one journalist, “but we thought that might be too much.”
Editors were equally flustered. “This is unprecedented,” noted the Editor-in-Chief. “We’ve hit a new low in journalism, and at least we’re making people laugh!”
Readers were left scratching their heads. One reader commented, “I’m not sure what’s real anymore. Is this satire we’re in right now, or are they out of the news? Imagine my panic as I type these words, knowing each letter is scrutinized in real-time. My heart races, my thoughts scramble, and my palms sweat as I struggle to maintain composure. People are reading this right now; my words are being converted to text as I speak. What do we do? HOLY CRAP!!! Shhh, maybe I should say something. Err, sorry about that.”
It remains to be seen whether the Bendigo Standard will continue its satirical coverage or return to hard-hitting journalism. In the meantime, Bendigo residents can rest assured that their local news will be anything but dull.
