Citing increasing operating costs, Bendigo’s two leading sources of ill-informed crankery announced their intention to merge on Friday.
“It just made sense, really” said the Standard’s Editor-and-Sommelier-in-chief Mike Elliott. “Bendigo has two leading sources of crackpots, conspiracy theories and barely unhinged rants, and by bringing them together we can reach a level of mis-informed idiocy not often seen outside of a political party.”
Reactions to the impending merger were swift, and occasionally coherent. Margaret from Tarnagulla said it was well deserved, and to bring back hanging. Doug from Stanhope called it about bloody time, and blamed immigrants for the delay. Barry from Axedale said it would never have happened back in his day, when there weren’t all these TikToks around and police didn’t look so young.
The Bendigo Standard has been quick to deny accusations that it is creating a monopoly on crackpot content, pointing out that Fiona Parker is still taking calls from Bendigo’s over-opinionated every morning.
The Bendigo Agoniser has finally decreed it is a shit paper, barely worth wiping sensitive derrière’s with. The Bendigo WEAKly owner has shown its true colours too, pungent brown.mixed with a bloodletting red. I know this pathetic merger has fuelled the merger of your fine publication and the Bendigo Agoniser of the cyber world, Bendigo Have Your Say So Long as You Don’t Mind Being Shit-canned for it. Bendigo has lost a champion of the down trodden, Yvonne Wrigglesbottom…. and the Bendigo Standard.