Emotional scenes in Bendigo this year as a plate ran away with a spoon.

“It’s simply ridiculous,” said Pasta Joylife, a Catholic spokesman (Yep it was a man. Definitely a man. We’re not being sexist but you know, they wouldn’t let a woman talk would they!).

“How can they let two different types of objects marry!” continued Killjoy. “Two humans who can articulate their emotions and show devotion to one another, that’s fine, but cutlery and crockery! They don’t even live in the same draw. I mean, in my house one of them is kept in the cupboard. And it will stay in the cupboard! I don’t want to have to bend over for a plate!”

Inflexible as Pastor Nolife may be, the vote on marriage freedoms was carried in Bendigo with 68% majority, compared to Ballarat’s 62%. You jerks Ballarat (statistics as reported in the Bendigo Weekly).

“Those statistics are wrong. Ballarat was higher than Bendigo,” Angela Langsbury pointed out. Needlessly mind you. We were happy being better than Ballarat.

Anyway, it is understood that a cat will play a fiddle at the wedding, a cow is extremely excited for them, and some dog finds this a big laugh.

The fork was unavailable for comment.