A month long investigation into little people has shown that they don’t eat rainbows.

“You can’t eat a rainbow,” said Paddy McPaddy, timeless, of Ireland.

The Bendigo Standard has been trying to sort out if leprechauns were the same thing as a gnome.

“Grome’s are grose,” said McPaddy, “They stand around in gardens eating lawn-mower clippings like some grubby vegan.”

in our research, it was discovered that leprechauns don’t eat rainbows.

“A rainbow is a meteorological phenomenon caused by the reflection, refraction and dispersion of light in water. It causes a spectrum of light in the sky, in the form of a multicoloured circular arc, and shit,” said McPaddy.

But you can’t eat them.

“At best it is a cloud of water, so it would taste like water,” said McPaddy.

Meaning the confectionery sold as Skittles, and not the bowling game, claiming to taste like a rainbow, is claiming to taste like water.

“We don’t live on water,” said McPaddy.

They’re Irish.

“We live on potatoes, potatoes, potatoes,” said McPaddy.