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    Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto

    Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub

    Bendigo Council’s Self Respect Discovered Under Rubble

    Mask Horror! Eaglehawk Woman Sets Own Face On Fire Lighting A Durry

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

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    • What's On

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

    Local COVID-19 Patients Quarantined On Lake Tom Thumb Island

    Person Goes To Mickey Mouse Hill For The View

    Father Of Three Asks, “Is It Wednesday?”

  • Entertainment
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    • Movies
    • Music
    • TV

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

    “Babyccino’s Are Gateway to Caffeine Addiction” Says Local Mum

    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

  • Technology

    5G Causes Tim Reuben To Leave Hit FM

    Parents On Laptops Complain About Kids On Tablets

    COVIDsafe App Not As Fun or Security Flawed As FaceApp

    Zoom Replaces Excel As Most Hated Workplace App

    Cat Fails To Search For Coronavirus Cure

    Local Man Records Sound Of Fart

    Local Man creates Bendigo Have Your Say app

    Local unsure if ‘Bendigo Lifts 4 Cash’ is for drug deals or booty calls

    Local Influencers Apply For Centrelink After Instagram Goes Down

  • Sport

    Most Complicated Hopscotch Ever Produced

    Anakin Skywalker Declares Coronavirus Is “Not Podracing”

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

    Hawthorn Announces New Mascots

    Right Up Your Alley: S#!*ty Bowling Launches In Bendigo

    Kangaroo Sets Sights On Anthony Mundine After Enrolling In Boxing Class

    Bendigo Trolley Pusher Breaks World Record

    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

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  • News
    • All
    • Bendigo News
    • Law & Order
    • National News
    • Politics
    • World News

    Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto

    Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub

    Bendigo Council’s Self Respect Discovered Under Rubble

    Mask Horror! Eaglehawk Woman Sets Own Face On Fire Lighting A Durry

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

  • Bendi-Life
    • All
    • Fashion
    • Health
    • Horoscopes
    • Humans of Bendigo
    • Money
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Travel
    • What's On

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

    Local COVID-19 Patients Quarantined On Lake Tom Thumb Island

    Person Goes To Mickey Mouse Hill For The View

    Father Of Three Asks, “Is It Wednesday?”

  • Entertainment
    • All
    • Movies
    • Music
    • TV

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

    “Babyccino’s Are Gateway to Caffeine Addiction” Says Local Mum

    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

  • Technology

    5G Causes Tim Reuben To Leave Hit FM

    Parents On Laptops Complain About Kids On Tablets

    COVIDsafe App Not As Fun or Security Flawed As FaceApp

    Zoom Replaces Excel As Most Hated Workplace App

    Cat Fails To Search For Coronavirus Cure

    Local Man Records Sound Of Fart

    Local Man creates Bendigo Have Your Say app

    Local unsure if ‘Bendigo Lifts 4 Cash’ is for drug deals or booty calls

    Local Influencers Apply For Centrelink After Instagram Goes Down

  • Sport

    Most Complicated Hopscotch Ever Produced

    Anakin Skywalker Declares Coronavirus Is “Not Podracing”

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

    Hawthorn Announces New Mascots

    Right Up Your Alley: S#!*ty Bowling Launches In Bendigo

    Kangaroo Sets Sights On Anthony Mundine After Enrolling In Boxing Class

    Bendigo Trolley Pusher Breaks World Record

    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

The Bendigo Standard
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Fashions On The Flu: Are You A The Kelly Gang Member or A Member of The Mouth Mask Mob? Take Our Quiz To Find Out!!

Luke Morris by Luke Morris
April 7, 2020
in Bendigo News, Fashion, World News

As the Australia Government ask people to stop wearing surgical grade face masks to help our hospital workers carry out duties in a safe environment, the Bendigo Standard invites fashionista Travis Dong-Gangle to lend advice on what’s next to wear for the breath hole covering ill-informed Australian / average Strathfieldsaye resident?

The Slipknot

“Do you hate the establishment and loath being told what to do, Honey?” asks Dong-Gangle. “Get your head behind the eye holes of this little thrash-rock-sounding-noise-maker number. You look a real treat!”

The Mask Mask

“Do you miss the ’90s, Girlfriend? Wish you could go back to being a size zero and live life before Tik Tok, Facey, the ‘Gram, and your social popularity disappeared? Nostalgia is for you with this green faced rubber icon of yesteryear.”

The Duck Face

“Darling, do you worry about people staring at your big nose or/and herpes rash? Worry no more with this fancy covering that covers too much of the gob to be realistically worn by anyone in healthcare.”

The Riot Rag

“Do you hate it when people from another religion adhere to some outdated reference someone misinterpreted from a made-up text? Then this is for you! Protest against people hiding their face by hiding your face with a national flag face covering you gutless twerp.” (Written and spoken by Travis Dong-Gangle. His opinions are his own.)

The Fruit Top

“Do you want to take something slightly ok and turn it into a frightening object? I mean, basically, do you like Halloween sweety? If so, then this crap is for you, because who the hell else is it for?”

The Comic Cowel

“Have you been watching Disney+?”

The Kelly Gang

“Afraid of a virus based on contact and ingestion could jump into your body like Patrick Swayze hopped into Whoopi Goldberg in the movie Ghost, then he danced with his ex-girlfriend but everyone was ok with it? Sure, strap into one of these metal numbers and prepare to be the last one standing at Domesday.”

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This Just In

  • Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto
  • Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”
  • Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum
  • Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub
  • Bendigo Council’s Self Respect Discovered Under Rubble
  • Mask Horror! Eaglehawk Woman Sets Own Face On Fire Lighting A Durry
  • Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit
  • Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show
  • Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring
  • No Free Parking? Bendigo Councillors Added To Santa’s Naughty List
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