“It’s a brave new world for Kentucky Fried Chicken in Australia,” said Colonel McTavish, 97, from Green Bay, Owia.
After years of council resistance to permits and plans and just the general idea of greasy chicken, KFC is about to hit Castlemaine, but with a twist.
“We’ve sold puffin in Iceland, yak in Mongolia, and deep fired a whale in Japan – cough – for purely scientific reasons, but adding our eleven secret herbs and spices to tofu so we can get a foothold into Castlemaine is a new one,” said the Col.
While vegetarian meals are no stranger to Dirty Bird Inc, since they sell chips, the whole concept of veganism is a new one.
“I had to took it up in a darn book,” said the Col. “And I tell you it didn’t make a lick of sense. I mean, no meat. We’re Kentucky Fried CHICKEN, for Pete’s sake. Not Kentucky Fried Eggplant. That would be KFE, not KFC.”
But while there were plans to rebrand the Castlemaine store as KFV in honour of the vegan focus, that was a step too far for Colonel McTavish.
“Going vegan on the menu was the only way we could get passed those darn hippies,” said the Col. “But give it a week. We’ve already put an extra 10,000 birds on ice for when the Near-Vegan burger is launched next month.”
The first KFC to open in Castlemaine will be located in a really lovely old cottage that once housed a nice lady and her dog, where she used to paint pictures of her dearly departed husband from memory. Her rose garden will be the drive-through.