Kayten Boyd, 36, of Ironbark – if that is a place, went camping last week and was very disappointed when he returned.
“Each time I go out, I hope there’s some alien attack, or Russia has invaded, or ice cream has ceased to exist. Something. Something to happen, you know,” said Mr Boyd.
Aside from the Prime Minister changing nothing major has happened while Mr Boyd has been away.
“One day I was driving back and the radio was playing static, and I thought ‘this could be it! We could be at war with flying monkeys,’ but no, I’d accidentally flicked the tuner knob and was on Triple J music,” said Mr Boyd.
Even a change in PM isn’t much.
“I want zombies, or a petrol famine, or children to be the last survivors of the wrath of God, but no, I get a new PM every holiday and have to go back to work,” said Mr Boyd.
Has he ever thought of making the world different himself?
“I’ve tinkered with the idea of a neutron bomb, or hiring dancers to change the moves to the Nut Bush, but it’s not the same as if someone else does it, like when you cook a meal verses eating at a restaurant,” said Mr Boyd.
What would be his ideal change?
“Any surprise will do. Something like if all blu tack was discovered to be a plastic explosive, like in Mission: Impossible, and every poster explodes off the walls. You’d have paper all over coffee shops, and they’d have to close up and down the East Coast throwing business people into confusion about where to get coffee, man, that would be something,” said Mr Boyd.
What a silly idea.