With 2019 upon us, here’s our guide of things to do in Bendigo to help you bring in the new year:

  1. Go to Melbourne.
  2. Visit Long Gully for the traditional lighting of the cars. On from 9 pm through till 2025.
  3. Sit at Coles rooftop carpark. It’s fun. Lots of burn-outs nightly. You could also watch the sky light up with colour as Bendigo erupts the Rosalind Park Poppet Head! We expect with fireworks, but you never know your luck. This is the only entertainment going in the CBD for kids. Tell your kids how awesome New Year’s Eve was in 15 years ago.
    Hot Tip: Look for people saying “This sucks, next year we’re going to Fed Square.”
  4. The Cambrian Hotel and Handle Bar have DJ’s kicking tunes sweeter than Donald Trump’s Alibi. Make sure to ask for Neil Diamond or Chumbba…. Chubawampa.. Chubbbawabba… That band. You know what we mean.
  5. Contemplate the futility of existence.
  6. Get annoyed at the neighbour’s New Year’s Eve party, usually because they keep yelling at each other about how much fun they’re having. If you’re actually having fun, you don’t need to tell anyone, because you’re too busy, actually having the fun, Beryl.
  7. Call the police for a noise complaint on old auntie Dorothy in California Gully. No reason. It might give her a bit of a lift. She probably thinks Mick McCrann from Highway Patrol is a bit of a spunk rat.
  8. Lie to your kids that it’s midnight when seeing the 9 pm fireworks, or pull a Mr Bean and wind the clocks forward.
  9. Stay at home and keep flicking between the fireworks in Sydney and Federation Square on TV.
  10. Date your ex then break up with them at midnight like a deranged Cinderella.
  11. Tell everyone on Facebook you’re going out but stay at home.
    Hot Tip: Reenact scenes from Harry Potter with your cats.
  12. Spend time practising how to write 19 at the end of dates and tell everyone on Facebook that you made a mistake.
  13. Go to Melbourne. V/line is great late at night. You discover people actually do live in Gisborne.
  14. At 11:58 pm start talking to some random who’s standing alone because come midnight you want them to be as lonely as you.
  15. Have we said go to Melbourne?

Did we miss anything? Leave your tips in the comments below.