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    Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub

    Bendigo Council’s Self Respect Discovered Under Rubble

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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

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    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

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    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

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    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

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    Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto

    Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub

    Bendigo Council’s Self Respect Discovered Under Rubble

    Mask Horror! Eaglehawk Woman Sets Own Face On Fire Lighting A Durry

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

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    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

    Local COVID-19 Patients Quarantined On Lake Tom Thumb Island

    Person Goes To Mickey Mouse Hill For The View

    Father Of Three Asks, “Is It Wednesday?”

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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

    “Babyccino’s Are Gateway to Caffeine Addiction” Says Local Mum

    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

  • Technology

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    Parents On Laptops Complain About Kids On Tablets

    COVIDsafe App Not As Fun or Security Flawed As FaceApp

    Zoom Replaces Excel As Most Hated Workplace App

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    Local Man creates Bendigo Have Your Say app

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    Local Influencers Apply For Centrelink After Instagram Goes Down

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    Anakin Skywalker Declares Coronavirus Is “Not Podracing”

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

    Hawthorn Announces New Mascots

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    Kangaroo Sets Sights On Anthony Mundine After Enrolling In Boxing Class

    Bendigo Trolley Pusher Breaks World Record

    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

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Our Guide On What To Do This New Year’s Eve

Mike Elliott by Mike Elliott
December 31, 2018
in Bendigo News

With 2019 upon us, here’s our guide of things to do in Bendigo to help you bring in the new year:

  1. Go to Melbourne.
  2. Visit Long Gully for the traditional lighting of the cars. On from 9 pm through till 2025.
  3. Sit at Coles rooftop carpark. It’s fun. Lots of burn-outs nightly. You could also watch the sky light up with colour as Bendigo erupts the Rosalind Park Poppet Head! We expect with fireworks, but you never know your luck. This is the only entertainment going in the CBD for kids. Tell your kids how awesome New Year’s Eve was in 15 years ago.
    Hot Tip: Look for people saying “This sucks, next year we’re going to Fed Square.”
  4. The Cambrian Hotel and Handle Bar have DJ’s kicking tunes sweeter than Donald Trump’s Alibi. Make sure to ask for Neil Diamond or Chumbba…. Chubawampa.. Chubbbawabba… That band. You know what we mean.
  5. Contemplate the futility of existence.
  6. Get annoyed at the neighbour’s New Year’s Eve party, usually because they keep yelling at each other about how much fun they’re having. If you’re actually having fun, you don’t need to tell anyone, because you’re too busy, actually having the fun, Beryl.
  7. Call the police for a noise complaint on old auntie Dorothy in California Gully. No reason. It might give her a bit of a lift. She probably thinks Mick McCrann from Highway Patrol is a bit of a spunk rat.
  8. Lie to your kids that it’s midnight when seeing the 9 pm fireworks, or pull a Mr Bean and wind the clocks forward.
  9. Stay at home and keep flicking between the fireworks in Sydney and Federation Square on TV.
  10. Date your ex then break up with them at midnight like a deranged Cinderella.
  11. Tell everyone on Facebook you’re going out but stay at home.
    Hot Tip: Reenact scenes from Harry Potter with your cats.
  12. Spend time practising how to write 19 at the end of dates and tell everyone on Facebook that you made a mistake.
  13. Go to Melbourne. V/line is great late at night. You discover people actually do live in Gisborne.
  14. At 11:58 pm start talking to some random who’s standing alone because come midnight you want them to be as lonely as you.
  15. Have we said go to Melbourne?

Did we miss anything? Leave your tips in the comments below.

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Comments 1

  1. Anonymous says:
    2 years ago

    Excellent. I seem to see your point.

    Reply

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This Just In

  • Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto
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  • Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum
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