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    Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto

    Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub

    Bendigo Council’s Self Respect Discovered Under Rubble

    Mask Horror! Eaglehawk Woman Sets Own Face On Fire Lighting A Durry

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

    Local COVID-19 Patients Quarantined On Lake Tom Thumb Island

    Person Goes To Mickey Mouse Hill For The View

    Father Of Three Asks, “Is It Wednesday?”

  • Entertainment
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    • Movies
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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

    “Babyccino’s Are Gateway to Caffeine Addiction” Says Local Mum

    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

  • Technology

    5G Causes Tim Reuben To Leave Hit FM

    Parents On Laptops Complain About Kids On Tablets

    COVIDsafe App Not As Fun or Security Flawed As FaceApp

    Zoom Replaces Excel As Most Hated Workplace App

    Cat Fails To Search For Coronavirus Cure

    Local Man Records Sound Of Fart

    Local Man creates Bendigo Have Your Say app

    Local unsure if ‘Bendigo Lifts 4 Cash’ is for drug deals or booty calls

    Local Influencers Apply For Centrelink After Instagram Goes Down

  • Sport

    Most Complicated Hopscotch Ever Produced

    Anakin Skywalker Declares Coronavirus Is “Not Podracing”

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

    Hawthorn Announces New Mascots

    Right Up Your Alley: S#!*ty Bowling Launches In Bendigo

    Kangaroo Sets Sights On Anthony Mundine After Enrolling In Boxing Class

    Bendigo Trolley Pusher Breaks World Record

    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

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  • News
    • All
    • Bendigo News
    • Law & Order
    • National News
    • Politics
    • World News

    Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto

    Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub

    Bendigo Council’s Self Respect Discovered Under Rubble

    Mask Horror! Eaglehawk Woman Sets Own Face On Fire Lighting A Durry

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

  • Bendi-Life
    • All
    • Fashion
    • Health
    • Horoscopes
    • Humans of Bendigo
    • Money
    • Parenting
    • Relationships
    • Travel
    • What's On

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

    Local COVID-19 Patients Quarantined On Lake Tom Thumb Island

    Person Goes To Mickey Mouse Hill For The View

    Father Of Three Asks, “Is It Wednesday?”

  • Entertainment
    • All
    • Movies
    • Music
    • TV

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

    “Babyccino’s Are Gateway to Caffeine Addiction” Says Local Mum

    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

  • Technology

    5G Causes Tim Reuben To Leave Hit FM

    Parents On Laptops Complain About Kids On Tablets

    COVIDsafe App Not As Fun or Security Flawed As FaceApp

    Zoom Replaces Excel As Most Hated Workplace App

    Cat Fails To Search For Coronavirus Cure

    Local Man Records Sound Of Fart

    Local Man creates Bendigo Have Your Say app

    Local unsure if ‘Bendigo Lifts 4 Cash’ is for drug deals or booty calls

    Local Influencers Apply For Centrelink After Instagram Goes Down

  • Sport

    Most Complicated Hopscotch Ever Produced

    Anakin Skywalker Declares Coronavirus Is “Not Podracing”

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

    Hawthorn Announces New Mascots

    Right Up Your Alley: S#!*ty Bowling Launches In Bendigo

    Kangaroo Sets Sights On Anthony Mundine After Enrolling In Boxing Class

    Bendigo Trolley Pusher Breaks World Record

    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

The Bendigo Standard
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Scomo To Investigate Why Eaglehawk Traffic Lights Are So Damn Slow

Mike Elliott by Mike Elliott
December 10, 2019
in Bendigo News, Politics

Eaglehawkians are thrilled to learn that PM Scott Morrison will personally investigate the speed of Eaglehawk traffic lights.

Eaglehawk Mayor Clive Hooverdamn welcomed the news.

“Every Australian needs good access to traffic lights,” the PM said. “Leave it with me.”

The lights at the Victoria St and High St intersection service 40,000 vehicles a day. The popular intersection’s lights can take as long as 5 minutes to change causing traffic chaos.

Local man Reg Nobby-Petterson said, “I sit at the lights and eat breakfast on my way to work.”

An 89-year-old resident named Bob ‘Long-Winded’ Johnny-Johnson said “Even when there are no cars on High Street, I still have to wait at least 5 minutes to go. When I was your age there was a video shop in Eaglehawk. I had to wait at least 10 minutes to cross the road. The slow lights cost me a late fee. I tried suing Bendigo council but they said to speak with VicRoads, so I did. VicRoads then told me to speak with the council. I don’t know what the F&%#$ going on. Someone still owes me $6 plus interest.”

Earlier this year 22-year-old Shane Rangason told The Bendigo Standard he was late for his own wedding. “She’s still upset about it.”

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This Just In

  • Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto
  • Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”
  • Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum
  • Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub
  • Bendigo Council’s Self Respect Discovered Under Rubble
  • Mask Horror! Eaglehawk Woman Sets Own Face On Fire Lighting A Durry
  • Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit
  • Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show
  • Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring
  • No Free Parking? Bendigo Councillors Added To Santa’s Naughty List
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