Shopping Trolleys Form Conga Line To Escape Supermarket

“They think we don’t know, but they’re like the Weeping Angels from Dr Who,” said supermarket staff member Georg Jacobson, 24, of Golden Square.

Much like O-Bikes from Melbourne, supermarket trolleys have been found all around town.

“You know how the Weeping Angles move brah?” said Mr Jacobson.

Supermarket trolleys have been found all across pathways – blocking movement for the wheelchair bound, stranded in car parks – blocking emergency vehicle access, on the kerbside – tipped over and looking like a drunk having a nap, in the middle of roads – as if they’re randomly parked cars with the hand-break off, and half submerged in creek beds– like they’re the worst ship anyone could hope to captain…except for that ship Tom Hanks helmed in Captain Phillips, that was scary, or the one Robert Redford sailed in the movie All Is Lost (good film that).

“The trolleys move when you’re not looking,” said Mr Jacobson.

Oh yeah, the Weeping Angles theory.

“It’s not the customers inability to walk it back to the trolley station,” said Mr Jacobson. “The trolley is just waiting.”

As if they’re a sentient being, made of metal and plastic.

“Smart plastic technology has gone too far and now the trolleys are trying to take over, acting as trip hazards, blocking humans in wheelchairs as they seem them as a direct threat, like a human hybrid trolley, and they dent cars to damage our escape method, it’s just the start. They’ll be in your garden next,” said Mr Jacobson.

Which might be true. Sometimes they can be found in front of people’s homes, filled with their possessions. Creepy.