“You know the waste of space near St. John of God? No not Ironbark, I mean that big empty land where the gold mine was. Yeah there, we’re going to put a new marketplace here,” said Jim Bollocks, 34, of Kangaroo Flat.

It is to be called the Golden Mega Market, and plans are well ahead.

“We’ve got Tuckerbag keen to make their national relaunch, plus Brashs are keen considering vinyl records are back, and there’s Roundabout Video because VHS never went away,” said Bollocks.

Yes, the concept of avoiding video rental fines is much more attractive for the average Bendigoite, Bendigoarion, Bendigonian…. whatever… than trying to shadow hack an ip address so to get reroute wireless broadband via a dummy host for a few extra mega of free data.

“We’ve also got Wendy’s keen on operating the food court, but no promises,” said Mr Bollocks.

The food court delay is rumoured to be associated with a proposed exclusive agreement with Sizzler.

“Importantly we have big names like Fossey’s, Stan Cash, Dick Smith is coming back, and a huge get in Ken Bruce,” said Bollocks.

Oh man, remember Ken Bruce has gone completely mad?

“Plus there’s Clint’s Crazy Bargains,” said Mr Bollocks.

Seriously, why the focus on mental illness when it comes to prices? Are we supposed to feel good about taking advantage of the handicapped?

“We are slightly waiting on council approval, and a little bit of time travel, but aside from that all is looking good,” said Mr Bollocks.

The Golden Mega Market is set to blanket the area in concrete and start putting up slab walls by the end of 2018, or maybe never.