Boring word guy Will Neverme, 24, of Sailors Gully, said of Castlemaine, “Technically speaking a castle is any fortified structure, often with a moat protection but like with sex, as long as there’s some protection technically that’s enough to qualify.”

Sounds pretty flimsy.

“No, I mean, some kind of protection is always important,” said Mr Neverme.

Do you want to double-check your metaphor?

“So anyway the word ‘maine’ is an interesting one because it referees to a state or location with independent government, which Castlemaine doesn’t really qualify as,” said Mr Neverme.

This explanation of the word ‘maine’ seems a diversion tactic, much like the time America released UFO footage after encouraging people to drink bleach.

“I mean, look, ok, a castle is a residence with a fortification, almost like a fence, hence the saying a home is a castle, but it needs to be a thick one with a protective fortification, like, ah, maybe a diaphragm, but not the one that’s used for breathing, the contraceptive kind, oh crap, nevermind, just think any kind of castle, then think of Castlemaine. It doesn’t have a castle! That’s all I’m saying,” said Mr Neverme.

Who named the place Castlemaine anyway?

“Probably someone who struggled with trees and found underbrush a real barrier,” said Mr Neverme.

True that.