“What the frig,” says Benjamin Law. “I got to get two Black & Decker orbital saws now!”
Born in a ditch and adopted by Herbert and Steve Law – who are not brothers, one of them changed his surname, and they’ve had a civil union, and legally they’re allowed to adopt as a couple, and they can file a tax return together, so seriously, this gay marriage thing… they are totally over it – Benjamin Law can only see a glass half empty to this Father’s Day malarkey.
“Herb Dad wants breakfast in bed, but he can forget that, and Steve Dad wants something from school, like some macaroni in the shape of a boat glued to a bit of cardboard, but he can forget that too, they’re both getting orbital saws,” says Benjamin.
The origin of Father’s Day can be traced to the Feast of Saint Joseph, who was the kind-of stepfather to Christian faith’s Jesus – since Saint Joseph paid the bills and raised the kid before Jesus grew up and went off claiming lots of things about his “real” Father.
“I’ve saved pocket money all year and now they’re going to wipe me out in one day,” says Benjamin.
In Europe the Father’s Day celebration occurs early March, coinciding with the start of spring, but in Australia and other Oceania countries it happen about six months later, coinciding with the start of spring.
“One of them could get a sex change and pace out this gift giving at Mother’s Day, but no, they’re happy just the way they are, apparently,” says Benjamin.
The YMCA helped promote Father’s Day, and it gained momentum in America in the 1930s when manufacturers of ties, tobacco pipes, orbital saws and probably shot guns, decided that honouring the parental influence of fathers was a winning idea.
“At least I should get two Bunnings Snags out of this,” says Benjamin.
Australian’s have been slow off the mark with buying stuff for Dads, mostly because of a sexist resistance males have to receiving flowers, perfume and jewellery – but if that guy who sells the six pack wraparound stubby holder’s at Christmas got his turf together, well, look out!
“My Dads want to go to the lake and have a nice family lunch, but I want to go paint balling and use orbital saws on playground equipment,” says Benjamin.
Well, at least it’s only one party a year to worry about.