In a shake-up to the American election, one candidate is to end American’s right to bear arms.
“It’s long overdue,” said a campaign insider. “Arm ownership in this country has gotten out of hand, so to speak.”
Gorilla arms, sloth arms and human arms have been used for posturing purposes over recent years (muscles shirt sales have also climbed), but bear arm ownership is the specific concern.
“Frankly people don’t need bear arms. They’re big, clumsy and not useful in daily life,” said the insider.
The opposition predictably took an opposing and alarmist view. “This will be the first step. They’ll be taking our duck wings and collection of fly legs next.”
“Not true,” said the insider.
“Yes it is,” said the opposition.
“Nup,” the insider.
“Sure. They wont be happy until everyone is armless and helpless against any form of attack,” said the opposition.
“No evidence! Firstly, what about karate kicks to the face and rapid farting to the face? Arms don’t stop those,” said insider.
“You can fend them with elbow blocks,” opposition.
“Well, anyway, terrorists aren’t entering the country powered by curry and baked beans.”
“It could happen. You’ll be giving them an excuse to try it.”
“Nope, people don’t need bear arms, they only use them to display over the fire place, like a cougar head or nose job.”
“We love our nose jobs. It’s American to have a nose job. The image of wealth is important. It’s what makes other people fear and like us. Just watch. They’ll be taking away our unnecessarily loud and powerful cars and hood ornaments next,” oppositon.
“Hood ornaments are already gone dickhead. They were dangerous, and you didn’t need them.”
“Yes we do!”
“No way! You even forgot they were gone,”
A spokesbear said, “Gerr, gerr, argy, roar.”