“How about this heat?” said Reverend Mighty Duck, 47, of Bendigo.
After being punched in the face, Rev Duck explained that the heat wave is really just the first stage of the apocalypse.
“Ow, that really hurt,” said Rev Duck, “And yes, we’re all damned.”
It seems no matter what Santa Claus has said or done this week, God/Yahweh/Jehovah/Ra/Zeus/Jupiter/Trump thinks we’ve all been very naughty.
“It is time for the Reckoning, and so it’s best to get your Ps and Qs in order and send your postcards to the near and dear,” said Rev Duck.
With temperatures getting hotter than a snog between Rita Heyworth and Humphrey Bogart (ask your parents) it’s no doubt that hell on earth is coming to Bendigo.
“I recommend saying your prayers and going to the bottle-o and standing inside the slab fridge, maybe having a slab fridge party, gosh if I wasn’t a Priest I’d be totally having a slab fridge party, can i trademark that idea?” said Rev Duck.
The Bendigo Standard reserves copyright on “Slab Fridge Party” 2018.
Best of luck.