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    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

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    Funko Immortalize Cogho In Pop! Vinyl Form

    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

    Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself

    Busker Ready To Revive Coles Busking Scene For The Third Time

    Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto

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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

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    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

    Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

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    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

    Local COVID-19 Patients Quarantined On Lake Tom Thumb Island

  • Entertainment
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    • Movies
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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

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    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

  • Technology

    5G Causes Tim Reuben To Leave Hit FM

    Parents On Laptops Complain About Kids On Tablets

    COVIDsafe App Not As Fun or Security Flawed As FaceApp

    Zoom Replaces Excel As Most Hated Workplace App

    Cat Fails To Search For Coronavirus Cure

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    Local Man creates Bendigo Have Your Say app

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    Local Influencers Apply For Centrelink After Instagram Goes Down

  • Sport

    Most Complicated Hopscotch Ever Produced

    Anakin Skywalker Declares Coronavirus Is “Not Podracing”

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

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    Right Up Your Alley: S#!*ty Bowling Launches In Bendigo

    Kangaroo Sets Sights On Anthony Mundine After Enrolling In Boxing Class

    Bendigo Trolley Pusher Breaks World Record

    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

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The Photocopier Whisperer

Luke Morris by Luke Morris
January 18, 2019
in World News

“Paper jam my arse!” said Carl, the Photocopier Whisperer.

He knelt before the eggshell coloured box, and slid a compartment out with the tenderness of an artisan pizza maker drawing handmade dough from a woodfire oven.

“Let us see what the matter is with you,” said the Photocopier Whisperer.

He peered inside, placing a smoothing hand on the side of the troubled compartment.

“There is a little something in there,” said the Photocopier Whisperer.

His torso turned, and he gripped the outlet tray with a strong but reassuring hand.

“Let us see what we can do about that,” said the Photocopier Whisperer.

His fingers edged into the cavity, careful not to brush rollers and ink jets as it guided its way to the rupture.

“Ah,” said the Photocopier Whisperer.

On the surface his gripping hand flexed and eased, while within a crumpling echo was emitted.

“Easy does it,” said the Photocopier Whisperer.

The art of dragging back a sheet of paper is a detailed one.

“Here is comes,” said the Photocopier Whisperer.

To remove a full page one must issue between feeder tracks a balance of pressure and persistence. Pulling against the resistance as a needle from a lion’s paw or a wobbly tooth from a child’s head.

“We have it,” said the Photocopier Whisperer.

Out from the opening came a white sheet, which he inspected for tears with the watchful eye of a surgeon.

“That should do it,” said the Photocopier Whisperer.

He eased the draw back into the slot, and stroked the panel to press it softly into place, then pressed a button and the contraption bleeped and buzzed with a warm inner glow.

“Fixed,” said the Photocopier Whisperer.

Without waiting for thanks Carl stood, and walked from the room.

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  • Funko Immortalize Cogho In Pop! Vinyl Form
  • Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations
  • Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself
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