Hargreaves Mall Named Best Place For Doing Coke
A survey asked over 5,000 "Cokeheads" nationwide to rate their favourite locations for Coke. Hargreaves Mall topped the list, surpassing cars, rooftop bars, and workplaces.
Bendigo Ranks #1 in Meth; Locals Not Sure Whether to Celebrate or Apologise
In an astonishing turn of events that caught nobody off guard, Bendigo has clinched the coveted title of Victoria's meth capital.
The announcement, delivered with...
Ice Skating Rink In Mall Unveiled As Metaphor For Crystal Meth
Visitors flocking to Hargreaves Mall for a delightful ice skating experience are in for a chilling surprise. What seems like an innocent ice skating...
Pizza Guy Is Probably High
In a groundbreaking display of unwavering commitment to his craft, local pizza guy Dave "Doughboy" Dobson has achieved unprecedented job satisfaction – or perhaps...
“Can Anyone Smell Weed Around Pall Mall?” Locals Demand Answers
In a bewildering turn of events, residents of Pall Mall are scratching their heads and noses, sniffing the air with suspicion. An enigmatic scent...
Cocaine Drop Bear Spotted On The O’Keefe Rail Trail
Yesterday, a group of hikers stumbled upon a cocaine drop bear while on the O'Keefe Rail Trail. According to eyewitnesses, the bear was seen...