Relationships

Study Reveals Most Successful Valentine’s Day Gifts Are Just Noise-Cancelling Headphones

In a groundbreaking study conducted by The Bendigo Standard that is sure to redefine the meaning of romance, researchers have found that the most...

45-Year-Old Discovers Age Pension Is 20 Years Away

Local Gen-Xer Terry Thompson has realised that a pension awaits him in a mere two decades. Witnesses report the earth-shattering moment when Terry, gripped...

Bendigo Community Health Service Provides Free Condoms for Aged Care Homes

In a move that will make all the grandkids raise their eyebrows, the Bendigo Community Health Service has generously distributed free condoms to local...

Local Man Contracts COVID-19 To Avoid His Own Wedding

In an astonishing display of ingenuity, local man David Thompson has hatched an audacious plan to avoid attending his own wedding by deliberately contracting...

Woman Marries Smartphone, Claims It’s the Only One Who Truly Understands Her

Eaglehawk Resident Jessica Thompson tied the knot with her phone yesterday, aptly named "Alex". Thompson proudly declared that her electronic soulmate was the only...

Wife Reminds Husband It’s Hot For The 50 Millionth Time

In what can only be described as a groundbreaking achievement, Maiden Gully woman Sarah Jefferson has reportedly reminded her husband for the 50 millionth...

Man Announces To The Missus The Pan Is Still Soaking

Last night, local husband, Braxton, announced to his wife that the pan was still soaking. This news has sent shockwaves throughout the household, leaving...

Local Soccer Player “Injured” After Partner Suggests Visiting The In-Laws

A local soccer player has been shown a yellow card after he was injured at home. Lionel Spring from the Long Gully Crocs fell to...

Nauseatingly Insufferable Couple Pose In Front Of The Bendigo Sign

An annoyingly happy couple were spotted in front of the Bendigo sign in Rosalind Park today, not realising how infuriatingly cliche they were. "This is...

Shazza Falls In Love With Braxton Doing A Fully Sick Burnout In The Long Gully IGA Car Park

Bendigo local Shazza Bacardi first noticed her true love Braxton at the Long Gully car park. He was wearing tight jeans with a flannelette...

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