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Relationships

Counsellor Outsources Therapy By Asking Couple To Assemble His Flatpack

Relationships
Divorce rates are rising, but one local marriage counsellor has found an unconventional solution: making couples assemble his IKEA furniture. The unconventional approach was first...

Shazza Falls for Braxton’s Sick Burnout In IGA Car Park

Relationships
Shazza has fallen head over heels in the Eaglehawk IGA car park, where the roar of a 1988 VL Commodore and the unmistakable strains...

Man Declares ‘Love is Blind,’ Breaks Up with Girlfriend for Having 20/20 Vision

Relationships
Epsom man Will Hart has declared that "love is blind" and promptly ended his relationship with his girlfriend, Emily Parker, for possessing the seemingly...

Study Finds 99% of Valentine’s Day Cards Are Written by Googling Romantic Phrases

Relationships
Groundbreaking research conducted by the Eaglehawk Institute of Romance has discovered that 99% of Valentine's Day cards are penned by individuals who shamelessly resort...

Study Reveals Most Successful Valentine’s Day Gifts Are Just Noise-Cancelling Headphones

Relationships
In a groundbreaking study conducted by The Bendigo Standard that is sure to redefine the meaning of romance, researchers have found that the most...

45-Year-Old Discovers Age Pension Is 20 Years Away

Relationships
Local Gen-Xer Terry Thompson has realised that a pension awaits him in a mere two decades. Witnesses report the earth-shattering moment when Terry, gripped...

Bendigo Community Health Service Provides Free Condoms for Aged Care Homes

Relationships
In a move that will make all the grandkids raise their eyebrows, the Bendigo Community Health Service has generously distributed free condoms to local...

Local Man Contracts COVID-19 To Avoid His Own Wedding

Relationships
In an astonishing display of ingenuity, local man David Thompson has hatched an audacious plan to avoid attending his own wedding by deliberately contracting...

Woman Marries Smartphone, Claims It’s the Only One Who Truly Understands Her

Relationships
Eaglehawk Resident Jessica Thompson tied the knot with her phone yesterday, aptly named "Alex". Thompson proudly declared that her electronic soulmate was the only...

Wife Reminds Husband It’s Hot For The 50 Millionth Time

Relationships
In what can only be described as a groundbreaking achievement, Maiden Gully woman Sarah Jefferson has reportedly reminded her husband for the 50 millionth...
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