ECHUCA—Trent Muggleton has purchased a $13 pop-up tent from Kmart and declared himself a pioneer of outdoor living.
Friends say Muggleton’s newfound enthusiasm for the great outdoors began shortly after he watched half an episode of Alone. Inspired, he allegedly stood up, shouted “I could do that shit,” and drove straight to Kmart in his 2024 Toyota HiLux.
“How good’s this tent? Bargain!” Muggleton told The Bendigo Standard, wrestling with the tent poles like a man attempting to lasso an octopus. “You just gotta connect with nature, ya know? It’s primal. It’s spiritual. It’s… shit, where’s the instructions?”
Despite being within audible range of a Hungry Jack’s drive-thru, Muggleton claimed to be “totally off-grid,” citing his inability to charge his vape.
“I even cooked my snags on a disposable BBQ tray,” he added, standing less than twenty metres from a fully operational public barbecue.
When asked what he plans to do if it rains, Muggleton responded, “She’ll be right. I’ve got a doona in the boot.”
“Pretty sure no one’s ever camped this far from civilisation before,” he said, attempting to open a can of baked beans without the pull ring.
Sources confirm that Muggleton returned to his shared house a changed man after one night in the wild. He refers to himself as a bushman and insists everyone try his new recipe for campfire nachos, which consists of Doritos with melted cheese.
At press time, Muggleton was seen applying for Survivor, wrapped in an Oodie.
