Presented by the City of Greater Bendigo’s Department of Warm Beers.
November
- Nov 5 – Silent Disco for Magpies: Locals bring shiny objects and dance silently while magpies swoop in appreciation. BYO helmet.
- Nov 7 – Yoga with Centrelink Energy: Free mindfulness session where you wait in silence for 45 minutes before being told the class is cancelled.
- Nov 10 – Bogan Birdwatching: Spot the rare Bin Chicken as it fights a seagull for a half-eaten Chico Roll outside the Lake Weeroona toilets.
- Nov 12 – Twilight Nude Lawn Bowls: Experience the freedom of the green, the sting of the sun, and the horror of watching others bend over while bowling.
- Nov 15 – Live Music: Dad Rock Revival: Featuring local cover band "Cold Chisel Adjacent", playing ‘Khe Sanh’ on repeat until the park rangers intervene.
- Nov 18 – Council Bin Appreciation Workshop: Learn how to emotionally connect with your wheelie bin before the next missed Bin night.
- Nov 21 – Extreme Speed Dating for People Who’ve Given Up: Hosted under the pop-up marquee at Lake Weeroona. Each date lasts 30 seconds.
- Nov 24 – Picnic in the Dark: Council forgot to book lighting, but it’s “ambient” now. Bring a torch or risk eating someone else’s hummus.
- Nov 27 – Pothole Interpretive Dance: Local artists reenact the emotional journey of a pothole being filled and forgotten.
December
- Dec 2 – Crafting with Vapes: Turn Bendigo's most common natural resource into a charming ashtray or wearable accessory.
- Dec 4 – Kangaroo Court: Watch as a kangaroo in a powdered wig passes judgment on people.
- Dec 6 – Bendigo Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony: Witness the tree flicker on and off for 45 seconds before dying completely. Official carolers are replaced by a busker who only knows Jingle Bells in F Sharp minor 7. BYO battery-powered candle.
- Dec 8 – Sunburn & Seltzer: A Bendigo Beach Experience: Council dumps a truckload of sand in Hargreaves Mall. Free entry. Shade costs $8 per minute.
- Dec 10 – Competitive Lawn-Mowing Championships: Locals race mowers for glory and petty revenge. No mullets near sprinklers.
- Dec 12 – Sunset Karaoke (You Only Get One Line): Each performer sings exactly one line from a pop song, then immediately gets off the stage to a round of applause.
- Dec 14 – Extreme Recess (Adults Only): Adults finally get their turn on the monkey bars and smashing each other with a rounders bat. Ends with an ambulance and a lawsuit.
- Dec 16 – DIY Movie Night: Bring Your Own Projector: Watch questionable films outdoors using your own projector. BYO extension cord and existential dread.
- Dec 18 – Public Apology Open Mic: Step up and apologise for something you did in 2007. Free tissues provided.
- Dec 20 – Live Read: Bendigo Have Your Say Posts: Local actors dramatically perform real Facebook posts from Bendigo Have Your Say.
- Dec 22 – Pet Rock Adoption Fair: Every rock deserves a home. Adoption includes a certificate and counselling for attachment issues.
- Dec 23 – Elf School: Learn to Assemble Toys in Unsafe Conditions: Children experience the magic of underpaid labour and mild parental panic.
- Dec 23 – Bendigo’s First Annual Reindeer Chase: 8 adults in reindeer costumes sprint through Rosalind Park. Winner gets a $10 Bunnings voucher.
- Dec 24 – Bogan Nativity Play: Mary and Joseph arrive at the Bethlehem BP. Baby Jesus was born in the back of a Commodore. Mullets and bogan accents are not optional.
- Dec 24 – 24-hour Gift Wrapping Marathon: Wrapping gifts you didn’t buy, for people you don’t like.
- Dec 24 – Mayor’s Christmas Message (Pre-Recorded in 1995): A heartfelt message referencing cassette tapes, dial-up internet, and questionable fashion.
- Dec 24 – Reverse Santa: You sit on Santa’s lap and he tells you what he wants for Christmas.
- Dec 31 – Bendigo Countdown Chaos: Watch a malfunctioning digital clock count down to midnight. Fireworks may be delayed due to budget cuts. BYO glitter.
- Dec 31 – Alcohol-Free Champagne Toast: Toast the new year with sparkling water in plastic cups. Glasses optional.
- Dec 31 – Public Resolution Shouting: Everyone screams their New Year’s resolution into the air. Neighbours call the police.
January
- Jan 1 – Live Music: Paul from IGA & His Loop Pedal: Local celebrity Paul plays hits between stocking shelves.
- Jan 3 – Council-Approved Splash Fight: BYO bucket. Participants must complete a water-use form before each splash.
- Jan 5 – Interpretive Dance About Bunnings: Artists explore “the inner snag” through expressive movements and ladder climbing.
- Jan 10 – Sausage Sizzle Cook-Off (Vegan Judges Only): The judges are vegan. The sausages are not. No one wins.
- Jan 15 – Lawn Chair Orchestra: Audience members bang their fold-out chairs in rhythm to John Farnham’s Whispering Jack. Conducted by a retired bus driver.
- Jan 18 – Reverse Arts & Crafts: Bring your completed craft projects and destroy them together as a community.
- Jan 22 – Unnecessary Fitness Bootcamp: Yell “Let’s go team!” while doing squats that achieve nothing. Sponsored by Burnout.
- Jan 26 – Swearing at Bats: Celebrate Australia Day by yelling profanities at unsuspecting bats in Rosalind Park. BYO megaphone and moral ambiguity.
- Jan 29 – Town-Wide Freeze Tag: When someone yells “rates notice!”, everyone freezes. Last to move becomes the honorary mayor for 3 minutes.
February
- Feb 6 – Sculpture in the Sandpit: Artists compete to sculpt something “vaguely meaningful” out of playground sand and council tape.
- Feb 10 – Silent Auction of Forgotten Dreams: Bid on long-abandoned dreams with Monopoly money. Includes banjo.
- Feb 16 – Fill a pothole day: Grab a shovel and a wheelbarrow and join your fellow citizens in filling Bendigo’s most hated pothole. Satisfaction guaranteed, legality questionable. BYO asphalt or sand. Complaints about missing curbs are encouraged.
- Feb 20 – City-Wide Nap in the Park: Entire city lies down to pretend the heat isn’t real. Cultural highlight.
