In an effort to revolutionize charity work, a group of the world’s most elite and unparalleled Long Gully hoons have launched an unprecedented charity, “Sick Skids for Sick Kids.” This groundbreaking initiative promises to raise astronomical sums for sick children by performing earth-shattering, high-speed doughnuts and tyre-melting, bone-rattling maneuvers in car parks and suburban streets.
The group, spearheaded by Long Gully legend Red Bull, claims their mission is as clear as the exhaust fumes. “We’re here to help full sick kids, one fully sick skid at a time,” Mr. Bull declared with unshakable confidence, leaning against his turbocharged 1972 XA Ford Falcon like a symbol of human achievement.
The charity, which has already raised a staggering $37.62 (and counting), is supported by an elite roster of local businesses, including Bogan Bros Auto Detailing. The company has pledged to donate a jaw-dropping 10% of its profits from every undercarriage scrub, ensuring their cars are just as spotless as their charitable intentions. Meanwhile, an Eaglehawk pub has offered a never-before-seen incentive, providing free Jagerbombs to patrons who donate to this world-changing cause.
Community leaders have had a variety of opinions on the event, ranging from awe to cautious optimism. Pastor Greg Phillips of the Long Gully Community Church expressed concern that the event might inspire reckless behaviour. “We encourage people to help others. If burnouts get the kids off the streets, I suppose it’s a win. That’s what Jesus would’ve done (if he had a VX Commodore).”
The upcoming fundraiser, set to take place at the Long Gully industrial estate this Saturday, promises to be the most exciting event in the history of mankind. It will feature mind-boggling burnout competitions, gravity-defying drifting exhibitions, and a “sick as hell” 1k drag race that is expected to raise enough funds for the Bendigo children’s ward to cure all illnesses in the region single-handedly.
“We’re not just a bunch of petrolheads causing chaos,” Mr. Bull added, holding up a freshly written cheque for $16.05. “We’re modern-day philanthropists, dedicated to helping sick kids in the hospital, one sick skid at a time.”
More to come.