Eaglehawk tradie Jim Woods has defied all known laws of the universe by completing a reno on time. The unprecedented event occurred on Friday afternoon when Woods declared, “She’s done, mate,” at the agreed-upon deadline.
“I thought he was having a laugh,” said Mrs Sneed, who hired Jim to renovate her kitchen. “But I saw it with my own eyes—everything was finished. If this were the 1600s, he would have been tried as a witch.”
Residents of Bendigo are reportedly experiencing a range of emotions, from disbelief to existential dread. “If tradies start finishing on time, what’s next? Pigs flying? Another gym next to fast food restaurant?” pondered local philosopher and part-time barista Nina Powers.
The tradie community has been thrown into turmoil, with many fearing Woods’s punctuality sets an unsustainable precedent. “He’s making us all look bad,” grumbled fellow tradie Steve Riley, who hasn’t completed a job on time since 1998.
“We’re tradies, not Swiss watchmakers.”
A bronze statue of Woods, heroically wielding a drill and a clock, has been commissioned to grace the front of Bendigo Hume & Iser.
