In a dazzling display of real estate hyperbole, agent Martin Clarke has managed to turn a tiny, 300-square-metre plot of land into Bendigo’s latest “exceptional” block, insisting it offers unparalleled opportunities and breathtaking views of the cathedral—if you try hard enough.
“Just look at that view of the cathedral,” he urged, pointing towards a minuscule glimpse of the historic building barely visible through some overgrown trees. “Imagine sipping your morning coffee, taking in that iconic sight every day. Pure bliss.”
One prospective buyer, Tony Williams, inspected the block from various angles, presumably searching for the cathedral view Martin had hyped. “If you crane your neck just right and ignore the fence, there’s a sliver of spire.”
“This block is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity,” Martin gushed at an inspection, sweeping his arm across the narrow strip of dirt and weeds as if revealing a hidden paradise. “It has everything—potential, location, and unparalleled charm,” he insisted. “Plus, it’s an absolute steal at just $600,000. You won’t find another deal like this.”
Linda Harris, from North Bendigo, offered a more grounded perspective. “Martin is, to put it politely, full of it,” she said. “It’s a glorified postage stamp. My dog needs more room to turn around.”
Martin was relentless when pressed about the high price tag for what essentially amounts to a glorified parking space. “You’re not just buying land; you’re buying a lifestyle.”
“This is the future of urban living. You’re not just buying land; you’re investing in a dream. A dream where you can almost see the tip of the cathedral. Imagine the Instagram posts!”
“I can already hear the cathedral bells ringing in your dream home.”
