Eaglehawk, the unassuming town that dared to name itself after the majestic birds of prey, has just been abandoned by its feathered namesakes.
“Honestly, with a name like Eaglehawk, you’d expect it to be a bit more badass,” said Reginald, an eagle whose wingspan rivals the size of a cyber truck.
“We’ve had enough,” said Talon McFeather, spokesperson for the eagle community, perched dramatically against the morning sun. “When we heard they named the place after us, we thought it’d be this majestic utopia where we could soar above the clouds and look down upon the wonders of nature. But no. It’s just… Eaglehawk.”
The birds, widely regarded for their keen vision, were unaware of the town’s existence until one of them got lost and landed there in an attempt to score some fish and chips. “I took a quick circle around,” said local hawk Clancy Sharpbeak. “Saw the streets, tired buildings, and a bloke throwing up outside the Eaglehawk Hotel. I thought, ‘No way this place is named after me.’ But there it was, right on the sign.”
90-year-old Irma Hart, a lifelong Eaglehawk resident, didn’t mince words. “Those birds are a bunch of pompous jerks who wouldn’t know a good time if it flew straight into their fluffy faces,” she grumbled, brandishing her cane. “This town has plenty to offer – a bowls club, a skate park, and a great place to grab a pie. What more could they possibly want?”
Locals have rallied behind a bold rebranding proposal: renaming the town “Bin Chicken.” Embracing the resilient, streetwise spirit of the ibis, residents argue that the new name reflects a more honest and down-to-earth vibe.
