Meteorologists have predicted that Melbourne will again experience four distinct seasons in a single day. This groundbreaking forecast marks the 125,589,988,482nd consecutive day of such weather, a streak that began sometime around the dawn of human civilization.
“I can’t believe it,” said local barista Chlloeey Evans, rolling her eyes as she stocked up on sunscreen and umbrellas. “What are the odds that we’ll go from summer to winter to autumn to spring all in 24 hours again?”
“We advise everyone to dress in layers, carry multiple changes of clothes, and generally be ready for anything,” said chief meteorologist Barry McCoy. “And by anything, we mean everything.”
Fashion retailers have reported a surge in sales of convertible jackets, zip-off pants, and that stupid hat with the ear flaps. Meanwhile, local coffee shops are seeing increased demand for iced lattes and hot cocoa, often from the same customers.
Tourists, however, are having a more challenging time adjusting. “I thought the stories were exaggerated,” said bewildered visitor Sarah Jenkins from St Kilda. “How can you possibly need a speedo and a parka on the same day? But here I am, eating my words – and my third ice cream this morning.”
As the city braces itself for yet another round of meteorological madness, there is a growing movement to rebrand Melbourne’s weather as a unique selling point. “Why fight it when you can market it?” said local entrepreneur and self-proclaimed weather guru Lisa Chang. “Come to Melbourne: the only place where you can experience a year’s worth of weather in a single day! It’s like travelling through time.”
In related news, meteorologists have been offered hazard pay and therapy dogs as Melbourne’s relentless climate unpredictability takes its toll. “I used to love my job, but now, every time I see a cloud, I break into a cold sweat. Or a hot one. Or sometimes both,” weather guru Sky Freeley told The Bendigo Standard.
At press time, Melbourne’s weather had already changed three times since the writing of this article. Experts recommend checking forecasts frequently, but not frequently, as too often could lead to dizziness, confusion, and an overwhelming sense of déjà vu.
