In an ironic turn of events that shocked the local craft community, REM fan Sharon Turner was spotted in a Spotlight store last Friday, reportedly losing her religion amid a bewildering array of faux-fur throws and glittering craft supplies.
Sources close to Sharon say she entered the store intending to purchase some modest drapes but instead found herself engulfed in a crisis of faith over the store’s inescapable allure of polyester and craft kits.
“I’ve never seen anyone so lost,” said store manager Brenda O’Leary. “She was clutching a roll of faux leather and mumbling about the existential void of synthetic materials. We tried to offer assistance, but she insisted that fabric swatches were a metaphor for life’s fleeting nature.”
“I thought it was just a phase,” said second best friend Sarah Dawson. “But when Sharon showed up to our weekly coffee group wearing bedazzled mum jeans, I knew something was wrong.”
As Sharon navigates through a kaleidoscope of glitter glue and curtain rings, the community watches with bated breath to see if this fabric-induced spiritual crisis will end her once-cherished belief in the sanctity of Moana curtains.
