Every year, as predictably as Christmas decorations in September, some ancient relic emerges from their cave, shaking their fist at the sky and proclaiming, “Cash is king!” It’s time for these folks to shut the hell up and join the rest of us in the 21st century.
In a world where you can buy a latte with a wrist flick and tip your barista with a tap of your phone, there’s always someone clutching onto their bills and coins like they’re life preservers in a sea of digital transactions. “I like the feel of cash in my hands,” they declare as if that’s a compelling reason to drag the rest of us back to 1955.
Let’s face it: the only people who actually enjoy using cash are toddlers playing with their piggy banks and drug dealers who haven’t figured out Venmo yet. Every time you insist on paying with cash, you’re holding up the line and forcing the cashier to count out change like we’re living in a Dickens novel.
And don’t get me started on the hygiene. Cash is filthy. Studies have shown that a single bill can carry more germs than a public toilet. So, the next time you hand over a sweaty five-dollar bill, remember you’re basically giving the cashier a petri dish.
So, to all the “Cash is king” enthusiasts, It’s time to let go. Embrace the convenience of digital payments, revel in the joy of not having to carry a wallet bulging with change, and, for the love of all that is contactless, stop holding up the rest of us with your antiquated payment methods. The future is here, and it doesn’t have room for your crumpled-up currency.
