The federal government has unveiled its latest strategy to tackle the nation’s worsening housing crisis: suggesting that everyone move back in with their parents.
The plan, which was introduced in a press conference by the Minister for Affordable Housing and Comfortable Inconveniences, Jack Gibbons, has been met with sudden anxiety attacks across the country.
“We recognise that housing prices are through the roof, rent is unaffordable, and the dream of homeownership is slipping further out of reach for many Australians,” Minister Gibbons began, speaking from what appeared to be a hastily constructed podium in his parent’s garage. “So we’re proposing a practical, cost-effective solution: Move back in with Mum and Dad.”
The new policy, titled “Operation Boomerang,” encourages citizens of all ages, particularly those struggling to secure housing in today’s market, to return to the safety and security of their childhood bedrooms—assuming their parents haven’t already converted them into makeshift yoga studios or man caves.
Minister Gibbons further explained the benefits: “Think about it. No rent, free food, and access to high-speed internet that you don’t have to pay for. Plus, you’ll finally get to experience the nostalgia of those cherished family dinners where Dad asks, ‘So, when are you getting a real job?'”
Some have welcomed the idea with open arms—and unlocked doors. “I think it’s great!” said Margaret Flanagan, a 73-year-old mother of six from Melbourne. “I’ve always said my kids should never have left in the first place. This way, I can keep an eye on them and make sure they’re eating enough. Plus, I get to remind them daily about the time they dropped out of uni to ‘find themselves.'”
Despite the mixed reactions, the government remains optimistic. Minister Gibbons concluded his speech by reassuring the public, “This is a temporary measure. We will wait until we figure out how to build more affordable housing. Or at least until your parents start charging you rent.”
As of press time, thousands of Aussies have reportedly packed their bags, with many preparing to rekindle the sacred tradition of bickering over the TV remote and explaining to their parents what they do for work now.
