Despite the millions of births that happen worldwide each year, one midwife in Bendigo has officially lost all sense of wonder over the process. ‘Yeah, yeah, a new human entering the world, blah, blah, blah,’ says Sarah Judd.”
“Sure, it’s technically a ‘miracle,’ but so is finding parking near the hospital.”
“I’ve seen it all. Breech births, twins, even one baby that came out fist-first like it was ready to fight. At this point, the only thing that would impress me is if the kid somersaulted out and did a pirouette before landing in my arms.”
Sarah remains the only midwife in Bendigo who offers a sarcastic round of applause after every birth.
“I’m bringing a magician to the next delivery. That way, we can all watch some real magic, like pulling a rabbit out of a hat instead of another screaming infant out of a uterus.”
As a newborn took its first breath, Sarah glanced up from Candy Crush long enough to half-heartedly say, “Welcome to the world, kid. Try not to screw it up.”
