“I have always been fascinated by Australia’s small towns and rural communities. So when I had the opportunity to visit Bendigo, a city in the state of Victoria, I jumped at the chance.
As I stepped off the royal jet and onto the tarmac of Bendigo airport, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread wash over me. I had heard rumours of this small, out-of-the-way Australian town, and let me tell you, they did not disappoint. The locals greeted me with their strange, twangy accent and even stranger eshay fashion sense.
As I was escorted to my royal carriage, I couldn’t help but notice the eerie silence that seemed to blanket the town. There was sweet bugger all to do.
During my visit, I was forced to partake in various ‘local customs’ such as smoking durries and drinking craft beer. Let me tell you; it was not a pretty sight, and I can safely say I will never be trying those again.
All in all, my visit to Bendigo was an actual test of my royal mettle. I emerged victorious, but not without a few battle scars. I can confidently say I will never return to that godforsaken town.”