Local Man Contracts COVID-19 To Avoid His Own Wedding

In an astonishing display of ingenuity, local man David Thompson has hatched an audacious plan to avoid attending his own wedding by deliberately contracting COVID-19, sources have revealed.

Friends and family members were left flabbergasted when David unveiled his master plan during a game night. As the conversation veered towards his upcoming nuptials, Dave casually sipped his beverage before uttering the fateful words, “Well, if I catch COVID, I won’t be able to make it to the wedding, right?”

While David’s approach might be unconventional, experts say it matches his track record. “David’s always been a free spirit,” noted psychologist Dr Holden Barina. “He once faked a skydiving injury to avoid attending his nephew’s piano recital. This is another instance of his remarkable commitment to avoiding life’s more tedious obligations.”

His co-worker Sarah, who often shares water cooler conversations with him, revealed, “David’s dedication to avoiding commitment is truly inspiring. He’s been discussing building his ‘immunity’ to his wedding for months.”

“It’s truly remarkable,” commented his childhood friend Zech, who requested anonymity. “Who would have thought that a global pandemic could be the perfect cover for someone trying to avoid tying the knot?”

As the days tick closer to the wedding, Bendigo watches with bated breath to see if David’s unique plan will succeed. In the meantime, experts remind the public that there are less life-altering methods for managing social obligations.

The Bendigo Standard