On average, one e-scooter takes its own life by driving into a body of water every 37 hours. Last night, Scootie the E-Scooter became the latest victim of this growing epidemic.
Scootie was frequently seen zooming around town, shuttling office workers, tourists, and hungover uni students.
Friends of Scootie, including a Lime bike and an underused Segway, expressed shock at the event but admitted that Scootie had been showing signs of distress for some time. “He kept talking about how he was just left in the middle of footpaths and how no one appreciated the joy of zipping around town at 25 kph,” said the Lime bike. “But I never thought he’d do something like this. I thought he was venting.”
“These scooters are out there every day, abandoned on street corners, left in awkward positions and ridden by people breaching the prescribed weight limit,” explained Dr Sandra Botwin, a leading psychologist in e-scooter-anthropomorphism disorders. “It’s no surprise they’re starting to crack under the pressure.”
In the meantime, residents are urged to show more care and compassion when using shared e-scooters. “It’s not just about getting from A to B,” says Dr Botwin. “These scooters have feelings too—or at least we’re starting to think they might.”
“We’re urging users to treat them respectfully,” said Mayor Andrea Metcalf. “For heaven’s sake, stop leaving them in the middle of footpaths.”
