In a bold and unexpected move, resident Dave Grimes has opted for the ancient Japanese ritual of hara-kiri rather than navigating Centrelink’s labyrinthine bureaucracy. According to sources, Dave decided that ceremonial self-disembowelment was the lesser of two evils.
“I mean, at least with hara-kiri, I know what’s coming,” Dave reportedly said, holding a ceremonial katana blade and a large cup of green tea. “Centrelink, on the other hand—who knows? I could be stuck in an eternal loop of lost documents and call transfers.”
Mr Grimes reportedly reached his breaking point after his third attempt to resolve a simple issue. “I couldn’t take that damn hold music anymore.”
Centrelink spokesperson Susan Downer responded to the decision with characteristic indifference, stating, “We are sorry to hear about Mr Grimes’ choice. However, our records indicate that he still has several forms that must be filled out before further assistance can be provided.”
Reactions from the rest of the community are mixed. Some see Dave’s decision as a bold statement against the inefficiencies of modern bureaucracy, while others suggest he might have just been a fan of ancient Japanese customs.
“I reckon hara-kiri is a pretty reasonable option”, Dave’s bewildered mate, Gary, told The Bendigo Standard.
In an ironic twist, Dave’s final act of defiance was to submit a form requesting a review of his decision to undertake hara-kiri. Predictably, the form was lost in the system.
