Bendigo Ranks #1 in Meth; Locals Not Sure Whether to Celebrate or Apologise

In an astonishing turn of events that caught nobody off guard, Bendigo has clinched the coveted title of Victoria’s meth capital.

The announcement, delivered with a mix of bemusement and concern, has left residents wondering if they should update their CVs or start writing apology letters.

“I always thought we’d be number one in something like best-preserved heritage buildings,” Mayor Andrea Metcalf told The Bendigo Standard, trying to make sense of the unexpected honour. “But meth? That’s a curveball.”

“I guess we can add this to our list of achievements?” declared local artist Maxine Banks, contemplating a new mural titled “Methamphetamine Meets Monet.”

As the news spreads faster than a lab explosion, Bendigo’s tourism office debates how to market this newfound fame. “Come for the history, stay for the meth?” suggested tourism director Greg Peters, half-jokingly.

More to come.

The Bendigo Standard