EAGLEHAWK — In a shocking twist that has left local parents both bewildered and slightly amused, the playground slides at the Eaglehawk Playspace have been sanitised not once but twice after discovering a faux Polly Waffle in the slide.
The incident, which has sparked concerns over the town’s mysterious “phantom pooper,” saw authorities employing cutting-edge forensic technology to analyse the substance and even considering DNA testing to identify the culprit.
“It’s a baffling case of someone taking the ‘slide into the home’ expression a bit too literally,” remarked resident Barry Jenkins, chuckling nervously. “Just because the slide looks like a pipe doesn’t mean it’s a toilet. It’s just not cricket!”
In a bid to catch the culprit, officials are reportedly considering employing CSI-level technology, including DNA testing of the excrement itself. “We’re not ruling anything out,” confirmed Mayor Andrea Metcalf, seen brandishing a magnifying glass at a particularly suspect-looking pine bark. “Our playgrounds are sacred ground for our children. We must protect them at all costs.”
The incident has sparked outrage among residents, with some speculating it could be a bizarre form of protest or a misunderstood art installation. “It’s a shame,” lamented local parent Karen Smith, shaking her head. “My little Timmy loves those slides, but now we can’t risk it. Who knows what’s lurking out there?”
As investigations continue, parents are advised to remain vigilant and perhaps pack an extra bottle of hand sanitiser and a hazmat suit during their next park outing. Meanwhile, residents eagerly await updates on whether the mystery pooper will be brought to justice or flushed out of town.
