According to a leaked memo obtained by The Bendigo Standard, Bendigo residents have learned that the council’s flood prevention strategy consists solely of “thoughts, prayers, and a really big umbrella.”
Yesterday, flooding overwhelmed Bendigo’s infrastructure, which was not designed to handle anything beyond a drizzle. Hail stones left backyards looking like golf driving ranges.
“Our flood prevention measures are based on the ancient art of positive thinking,” the memo read. “We believe that we can ward off any potential damage by channelling collective goodwill.”
While some residents appreciated the council’s commitment to optimism, others were less impressed. “It’s great that they’re thinking positively, but I think I’d prefer an actual drainage system and a roof that doesn’t look like Swiss cheese,” said Huntly resident Judy Bennett.
City of Greater Bendigo is expected to hold a public forum next week to discuss its next steps in disaster management. At the forum, the council promises to explore additional measures like ‘crossing fingers’ and ‘sacrificing virgins in volcanoes.’
