In a groundbreaking study that surprised no one, scientists have confirmed what we all suspected—the universe is a massive introvert.
The universe rapidly expands its personal space to avoid further human interaction. How very on-brand it is.
The universe has been known to occasionally let out a big cosmic ‘yikes’ when humans get a little too close for comfort.
Researchers report catching glimpses of the universe awkwardly lurking in the corner of the cosmic party, nervously adjusting its gravitational field while waiting for the perfect moment to bolt for the exit.
‘We always knew the universe was odd,’ admitted one scientist. ‘But we had no idea the extent of its social anxiety.’
When asked for comment, the universe was told it’s busy for the next few billion years. “Maybe try asking a black hole—they’re a bit more outgoing.”
