Bendigo Health Purchases $2M Scanner to Determine Whether Patients are Robots or Just Really Bad at CAPTCHAs

In a groundbreaking move towards medical innovation, Bendigo Health has proudly unveiled its latest acquisition: a state-of-the-art scanner designed to determine whether patients are sentient beings or just folks struggling with those pesky CAPTCHAs.

The hospital’s IT department, having exhausted all other meaningful tasks, reportedly spent months tirelessly perfecting the algorithm for the high-tech device. Patients will face the ultimate test before receiving medical attention – proving they are not robots.

Dr Sarah McLaughlin, head of the project, explained, “We wanted to tackle the most pressing issue facing healthcare today – the infiltration of robots into our patient population. We can’t have our doctors wasting valuable time on beings who don’t even have a pulse or a Gmail account.”

Patients will be asked to perform a series of tasks, such as identifying crosswalks, buses, and traffic lights while reassuring the scanner that they are human. Those who fail the test will be directed to the nearest IT support desk for further evaluation or possibly a software update.

Bendigo Health assures the public that this technological marvel is not just a frivolous expense but a vital step in ensuring the integrity of the human-patient experience because nothing says cutting-edge healthcare like making patients prove they’re not robots before entering the waiting room.

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