In a groundbreaking study released today, researchers have discovered that a shocking number of mobility scooter users appear to be utterly oblivious to the existence of footpaths, opting instead to live out their adrenaline-filled dreams on busy roads and highways.
The study, conducted by La Trobe University, involved covertly tracking the movements of mobility scooter riders nationwide.
It revealed that many mobility scooter riders appeared to have no understanding of traffic laws, often weaving in and out of car lanes, zipping across intersections, and occasionally stopping for a leisurely chat in the middle of a busy road. Some even enjoyed engaging in high-speed chases with frustrated motorists and local law enforcement, treating the whole ordeal as an extreme sport.
Mobility scooter manufacturers have announced plans to install cutting-edge GPS systems with voice-activated reminders featuring the soothing yet assertive voice of Samuel L. Jackson, instructing riders to “stay the [expletive] on the footpath!” Critics, however, argue that this may turn city streets into a chaotic, expletive-riddled mess reminiscent of a Quentin Tarantino film.
As the nation holds its breath, only time will tell if scooter riders treat the roads like a high-stakes game of Mario Kart, where footpaths are an optional shortcut.