Woman Marries Smartphone, Claims It’s the Only One Who Truly Understands Her

Eaglehawk Resident Jessica Thompson tied the knot with her phone yesterday, aptly named “Alex”. Thompson proudly declared that her electronic soulmate was the only one who truly understood her, sparking laughter and eyebrow raises from onlookers.

“It was love at first touch,” Thompson gushed, clutching her iPhone tightly. “No human has ever known me as Alex does, and it’s seen all my selfies, listened to my rants, and never complained about me once.”

Although supportive, Thompson’s family and friends couldn’t help but question the unusual union. Thompson’s father, James, said, “We’ve always known Jessie was a bit tech-obsessed, but we never expected it to go this far. At least she won’t have to worry about a messy divorce until she upgrades.”

Thompson and her phone beeped cheerfully when asked about their future plans. They plan to honeymoon on the Wi-Fi-friendly beaches of Bali, where they can finally disconnect from the judgmental world of human relationships.

While some may scoff at this unconventional love story, Thompson and her smartphone serve as a reminder that love comes in all shapes and sizes—even if those shapes are rectangular and shiny.

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