Study Reveals Bendigo Has More Cafés Than People

In a groundbreaking study by the Institute for Absurd Statistics (IAS), researchers have unveiled that Bendigo now has more cafés than actual residents. This astonishing revelation has left locals and coffee connoisseurs reeling as the city evolves into a sprawling, latte-foam metropolis.

The study, which included exhaustive data analysis and a few coffee breaks, has determined that the café-to-human ratio in Bendigo now stands at a mind-boggling 1.3:1. The reasons for this phenomenon remain shrouded in mystery and steamy milk froth.

Lead researcher Dr Blanch has attributed this phenomenon to a rare condition she calls “Bendigo Latte Syndrome.” She stated, “Our findings show that locals have evolved a symbiotic relationship with coffee, requiring at least three espressos just to maintain basic motor functions.”

Bendigo’s Mayor, Cr Andrea Metcalf, has embraced the city’s newfound identity, announcing plans to replace the city’s water supply with morning brown. “We’re taking the term ‘coffee culture’ to new heights,” she said, proudly sporting a foam moustache.

In response, residents have begun a grassroots movement to “reclaim their right to sleep,” which has proven ineffective, as they are too jittery to hold protest signs.

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