Castlemaine Plans Monumental Hipster Statue

In an audacious attempt to outdo Dadswell’s Bridge’s beloved Giant Koala, Castlemaine has announced plans for a monumental Hipster statue.

The proposed statue, dubbed “The Craft Brew Crusader,” will stand at an imposing 20 metres tall, complete with a meticulously sculpted beard, tight skinny jeans, and a vintage beanie, to authentically capture the essence of Castlemaine’s thriving hipster culture.

“It’s high time we recognized the real backbone of our community: flannel-clad men who make artisanal pickles and brew their own kombucha,” boasted a council spokesperson, adjusting his knitted alpaca beanie. “We’ve always been known for our cutting-edge art scene and organic sourdough. Now, ironically, we’ll have the world’s largest Hipster looking down on us.”

Resident Beryl Davis, 78, commended the council’s “bravery”, noting, “Now I can tell my grandkids I live near the big hipster with the beer. Who wouldn’t want that?”

Despite objections from locals concerned about the statue’s potential glare from the sun reflecting off its oversized glasses, Mayor Cr Rosie Annear remains undeterred. “Sure, it might blind a few unsuspecting folks, but that’s the price we pay for art and irony,” she said, sipping her chai latte.

The council hopes the statue will be unveiled next year, just in time for the Castlemaine State Festival, pending the arrival of a sufficient quantity of sustainably sourced beard oil to maintain its luscious facial hair. Just don’t forget your reusable coffee cup and your locally-made hemp tote bag.

The Bendigo Standard
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