45-Year-Old Discovers Age Pension Is Actually 22 Years Away, not 20 Years Away As First Thought

Previously convinced he was a mere two decades away from sipping cocktails on a beach with his age pension, Terry Thompson is now frantically recalculating his retirement plans.

Thompson reportedly embarked on an epic rant, exclaiming, “I’ve been mentally preparing for my golden years since I was a little boy, and now they’re telling me I must endure this ‘work’ thing for an extra two years? It’s horse crap!”

“I had a whole two years of not caring about retirement snatched away! What kind of sick, twisted temporal system are we living in? I need to put off buying that boat for another two years now.”

Thompson has now set his sights on uncovering whether daylight saving time is just a government ploy to steal minutes from his life.

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