45-Year-Old Discovers Age Pension Is 20 Years Away

Local Gen-Xer Terry Thompson has realised that a pension awaits him in a mere two decades. Witnesses report the earth-shattering moment when Terry, gripped by the existential epiphany, promptly abandoned his sensible sedan for a shiny new Tesla.

“I need to sit down for a sec,” Terry told the missus. “Wait, wasn’t the Sydney Olympics just a couple years ago?”

“Who knew retirement was just around the corner? I needed more speed and flair in my life immediately,” declared Thompson, now sporting sunglasses indoors.

Sources close to Terry claim he spent the afternoon perusing cars on Gumtree, muttering something about “I can’t wait to get cheap coffee with a pension card at Macca’s” and “I’m still working through the Golden Girls on Disney Plus”. His newfound zest for life has left mates wondering if a midlife crisis is a gateway drug to the pension.

As Terry speeds toward a future of early bird specials and golf course daydreams, the community remains on high alert for signs of other 40-somethings realising the potential thrill of discounted movie tickets.

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