Groundbreaking Surgery Removes Clingy Girlfriend From Boyfriend

A gruelling 11-hour marathon operation carried out by 5 leading surgeons in Melbourne has seen the first ever successful removal of a clingy girlfriend from her partner.

Emily Murphy from Kangaroo Flat was removed from her boyfriend Brad Garrison from Long Gully earlier this morning with the surgery hailed as the next great step in the advancement of medical science and ingenuity.

“They said it couldn’t be done, but thanks to myself and my diligent team, Brad and Emily’s life and relationship has been transformed for the better,” Dr Steve Gregson told The Bendigo Standard.

As for the couple, they can now enjoy a life free of ‘where are you?’, ‘with who?’, ‘do we have to go?’, ‘can’t we just do something by ourselves?’ and ‘who are you texting?’

“Aw, already we can feel how much our lives have changed, we’re both so happy. Emily hasn’t once texted me ‘why haven’t you responded yet?’ I enjoy my personal space and some solo chill out time, and that just wasn’t possible before. We’re beside ourselves with happiness,” Brad explained while at his girlfriend’s side in hospital as she recovered from the surgery. “Now I can go to see Avengers: End Game with my mates without being asked what’s happening.”

“Now I can watch Property Brothers without Brad sighing every 3 minutes,” Emily said.

It is believed that while this is the only successful de-clingification surgery to date, thousands of husbands, wives, girlfriends and boyfriends have signed their other halves up for the procedure, with waiting lists now extending well into 2041.

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