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    Funko Immortalize Cogho In Pop! Vinyl Form

    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

    Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself

    Busker Ready To Revive Coles Busking Scene For The Third Time

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    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

    Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

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    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

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    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

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    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

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Active Living Census Makes Everyone Feel Fat

Mike Elliott by Mike Elliott
June 4, 2019
in Bendi-Life, Bendigo News

The Active Living Census is on again. Bendigo residents have been reminded about all the weight they’ve gained in the past 12 months.

Not to be confused with last years failed Inactive Living Census, this survey will provide even greater insight into the health and wellbeing needs and preferences across our communities.

“They want to know how much I exercise I do but isn’t that just fat shaming?” said Eaglehawkian Jack Francis. Last year he was rushed to the hospital after losing his breath trying to put on his shoes.

A council spokesperson said, “Our region currently has high levels of people binge-watching House Hunters, people who can’t be stuffed and hurting yourself when sneezing, which could be prevented by living a healthier lifestyle.”

“I’ve put on 10 kg’s since Easter and have no idea why” White Hills resident Garry Gully said. “I was gonna take up bike riding but I’m too busy catching up on Game Of Thrones and finishing this bag of chicken Twisties and chocolate Big M.”

The Active Living Census has come a long way. In 2012 The Guinness Book of Records recognised Bendigo as Australia’s fattest city. Ironically this was predicted in a Simpsons episode 10 years earlier. The results stunned the Bendigo Council who quickly put in new bike tracks.

Bendigonians have a chance to win a new 75″ TV simply by completing the survey.

Barry Bob from Kangaroo Flat said, “When I finish the Census I’m going to reward myself with some Maccas.”

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Comments 1

  1. Sedentatary Sam says:
    2 years ago

    At least Jack Francis was fit enough to attempt to put his shoes on.

    Someone I know suffered a cardiac arrest just threading the laces.

    Reply

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