Residents Flock to Witness The Opening of An Envelope

Throngs of Bendigo locals descended upon the Town Hall yesterday to witness the grand opening of an envelope.

The envelope, which sources believed contained a rates bill, had its moment in the spotlight as attendees marvelled at the sheer audacity of its contents.

“This is a game-changer for Bendigo,” exclaimed one overly enthusiastic attendee, clenching the edge of the envelope as if it were the Shroud of Turin. “I never thought I’d live to see the day when an envelope could captivate a whole town.”

As the envelope was gingerly opened, revealing the rates bill for $3599 within, the crowd erupted in chants of “What the actual F***?”,  “How can it be that much?” and “I thought we just paid the rates last month.”

Indeed, it was a momentous day for Bendigo.

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