Local Conspiracy Theorist Discovers Council’s Sinister Plot: They’re Planting Trees

Self-proclaimed truth-seeker and conspiracy enthusiast Jerry McQuirk has unveiled what he calls a “chilling conspiracy of botanical proportions.” According to McQuirk, City of Greater Bendigo is secretly engaged in a nefarious plot to plant trees throughout the city.

McQuirk, sporting a tinfoil hat adorned with sprigs of plastic foliage, held an impromptu press conference on his front porch, flanked by a whiteboard featuring a complex web of red string connecting photos of council members to various species of trees.

“This is bigger than anyone could have imagined,” McQuirk told The Bendigo Standard while adjusting his tinfoil hat. “They’re using trees to obscure our view of the sky, blocking our line of sight to hidden government satellites!”

His baffling theory suggests that the council is in cahoots with the leaves, aiming to create a “green curtain” to shield the town’s unsuspecting populace from extraterrestrial surveillance.

Local residents expressed mixed reactions, with some intrigued by McQuirk’s imaginative tale while others stifled chuckles behind their hands. Mayor Cr Andrea Metcalf said, “We’re absolutely committed to improving our city’s green spaces for the well-being of our citizens. That is all.”

While McQuirk’s theory is as twisted as a gnarled oak, it adds a leafy layer of excitement to Bendigo’s typically calm news landscape.

More to come.

The Bendigo Standard
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