1Here’s your horoscope for the week.
♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19
Oh, Aries, today’s the day you finally realize that your impulsive nature isn’t so much “bold” as it is “annoying.” But don’t worry, the stars have aligned, and you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make spontaneous decisions that wreak havoc on your life. Have fun!
Your lucky colour: Invisible.
♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20
Taurus, you love stability, and today you’ll find it in the form of a new relationship: you and your couch. Prepare for a wild night in, binge-watching reality TV and avoiding anything that resembles productivity. Remember, every marathon has a winner, and today that winner is your snack game.
Your lucky colour: Procrastination Blue.
♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20
Good news, Gemini! You’ll manage to have a conversation with someone without interrupting them today. At least, that’s what you think. In reality, they were just too polite to tell you to be quiet. Keep up the great work!
Your lucky colour: Sarcasm Silver.
♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22
Cancer, your strong intuition will lead you to discover that your plants are actually plotting against you. Don’t worry; it’s probably just a side effect of your active imagination. Or is it?
Your lucky colour: Mismatched Magenta.
♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22
Leo, today’s the day to remember that not everything is about you. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but someone’s got to do it. On the bright side, you’ll have a chance to practice your acting skills as you pretend to care about other people’s problems.
Your lucky colour: Overconfident Orange.
♍ Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22
Virgo, you’ve been so busy criticizing yourself and others that you haven’t noticed you’re secretly a superhero. Your power? The ability to find flaws in any situation. Embrace it and use it to save the world, or at least irritate everyone around you.
Your lucky colour: Indecisive Indigo.
♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22
Libra, your indecisiveness has reached new heights today. You’ll spend the entire day deciding whether to wear socks or go barefoot. Don’t worry, though, the universe will make the choice for you when you step on something sharp. You’re welcome.
Your lucky colour: Underdog Umber.
♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21
Scorpio, your passionate nature will lead you to try a new hobby today: extreme knitting. It’s just like regular knitting, but with more yelling and potential injuries. Remember, safety first!
Your lucky colour: Existentialist Gray.
♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21
Sagittarius, your adventurous spirit will lead you to explore the deepest, darkest corners of…your refrigerator. Brace yourself for a journey filled with expired condiments and leftover takeout from who-knows-when.
Your lucky colour: FOMO Green.
♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19
Capricorn, it’s time to celebrate! Today, you’ll find the perfect balance between work and play. Unfortunately, that balance involves working until you pass out on your keyboard. But hey, at least you’ll get that report done.
Your lucky colour: Disco-ball Silver
♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18
Aquarius, you’ve always been the eccentric one. Today, you’ll find a new way to embrace your uniqueness: interpretive dance. Practice those moves in the grocery store aisle and watch as others admire your artistic expression (or call security).
Your lucky colour: Ironic Beige.
♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20
Pisces, you’re known for being a dreamer, but today you’ll find a new calling: professional nap-taker. Set your sights on the perfect snoozing spot and embrace your destiny. After all, everyone knows the early bird gets the worm, but the late sleeper avoids responsibility.
Your lucky colour: Plaid Surprise.
