Horoscopes

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 Your dog will forget your birthday. • New job opportunity is on the horizon after you score a job as an Optometrist just so you can tell your work colleagues there's...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 Your coworkers are planning your birthday party. But they have the wrong date. • Your socks don't match. ♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 Your boss is plotting...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away • You're unbelievable ♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 You'll find out there's an eye in team...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 It's your birthday but no one cares. • Hey, look over there. Made you look • Your soulmate is on the Long Gully bus. ♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19 Your mother will try to call you 30 times but you won't answer your phone once • It's your birthday so opt for plastic surgery. Label the right part before...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19 Yep, it's contagious. • Your tyres were just slashed. • All is not lost. But most of it is. • You're not the only one depressed by your failures. •...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21 You will get lost while driving. • Quit your job. Who needs that crap? • You will disover a new and apalling skill. ♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan....

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21 Your coworkers are planning your birthday party. But they have the wrong date. • Your life is a series of ups and downs. Like a toilet plunger. • You will fart...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21 You will receive a phone call tonight. Wait for six rings before answering. • The Feds want to talk about your surfing habits • People like you make me sick....

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21 A drinking problem would make you more interesting. • You're no athlete. Stop kidding yourself. • Baked goods are in abundance. • You will discuss a matter of grave importance with someone...