Horoscopes

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22 Do something for yourself! Have a beer with a friend. In fact, come over here and bring me beer because I’m running low. Party like it’s your birthday, but make...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22 Your doctor will stuff up your surgery. It will be no big deal. You've always worn your heart on your sleeve. ♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22 You...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22 Your legs will hurt this week after you take the biggest crap in the toilet. You will be fine by Wednesday, but hurt again by Friday. You will write this...

♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22 Your coworkers are planning your birthday party. But they have the wrong date. • Have you changed your diet recently? It smells like it ♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21 Give up on your dreams,...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 A fart in the bath will take you by surprise this week. Time to switch to showers. By the way, your coworkers are planning your birthday party. But they have...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 Finances will take a hit this week after you have no problem spending $20 on lunch but will not buy an app if it's $1. ♈ Aries | March 21...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 You will get lost while driving. • Tell that person you love them. You know who we're talking about. Wait! No, not him! Stop you fool! ♓ Pisces | Feb. 19...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 Your dog will forget your birthday. • New job opportunity is on the horizon after you score a job as an Optometrist just so you can tell your work colleagues there's...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 Your coworkers are planning your birthday party. But they have the wrong date. • Your socks don't match. ♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 Your boss is plotting...

Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18 The things, you say Your purple prose just gives you away • You're unbelievable ♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20 You'll find out there's an eye in team...